The house is quiet. Everyone, that is Mom and my husband, has gone to bed. I know I should go to bed too. It’s late, and I will hate myself in the morning for not getting enough sleep. But I revel in this quiet. This time that is all mine. And it’s not like Mom is even much trouble; really she is not. But it’s just I need some moments when I am not responsible for anyone. Here. Now.
Earlier this week, when my husband got home from work, he stayed with Mom and I went to CVS . I told him I was going to pick up a prescription, and I was going to take my time. The drugstore, for pete’s sake, but we live in a small town where everything closes down with the sunset.
Yesterday, my sister-in-law invited my mother to her house for the day. After I dropped Mom off, I was like a kid in a candy store. What should I do? What should I do? Truth be told, there were not enough hours remaining in the day to get done all I wanted to get done.
This sounds like I am complaining, and I don’t mean to be. Seriously. It’s just being responsible for another human being is a little daunting…. again. It’s like bringing home that first baby. No one can prepare you. No matter how many times you hear “just wait ” you still don’t understand the constantness of parenthood until that baby is living with you 24/7. It’s like that.
In some ways this is good discipline for me. I can’t just drop everything and run to a store. I have to prioritize and plan errands. And that is a good thing. Thank goodness, I am a homebody by nature. Even so…
Today wasn’t a good day for Mom. And I am feeling very melancholy. She was so weak and frail, and I guess, sad. And that is hard to see. She is spunky by nature. No spunk today. I wonder if I’ll ever see the spunk again.
Lord, I love my Mom. Give her rest tonight. Help her sleep peacefully. Help her to have a better day tomorrow. Give her back some of that spunk that I use to grumble about… and Lord, forgive me for that.