I was not at my best yesterday. Four hours of sleep and the stress of getting Mom’s apartment ready to pack evidently were not a good combination. And unfortunately, I let my guard down.
Mom and I had our first big confrontation yesterday. We were both upset and mad and didn’t speak the rest of the evening. I take the blame for the argument. I am not the one who is sick and tired. I am not the one with a dementia diagnosis.
She went to bed first — without eating any supper. I followed shortly after. Lying in bed, I knew I would never sleep. What am I doing? Over the monitor, I could hear Mom’s restlessness as well.
I slipped into the kitchen, took a plate from the cupboard. And with a few hardy snacks, I tiptoed into her bedroom. I knelt by her bed, ‘Mom, I’m sorry I got mad. I love you. I brought you a few snacks’.
She was drowsy, but as she patted my hand, she said, ‘I love you too. It’s okay. But I’m healing…I’m healing’. I don’t think I ever remember my mother patting my hand. Emotions run deep. Why do mother/daughter relationships have to be so complicated?
I kissed her cheek and gave her a hug then headed back to my own bed. Big deep breath.
Lord, forgive me. I blew it. I cannot control anyone else. I can only change my behavior — and only with Your help. May I be kinder and gentler. And may I have patience.
I pray for contentment and peace for Mom. This is so hard on her. Help us know what to do. We just don’t know what to do…
Don’t be to hard on yourself. This is hard for you too, and you’re going to have more days like this, of that there is no doubt. We’re only human, and no one is perfect. ((hugs))
Thank you for your encouraging words.
It is so hard to take the human factor out being a caregiver, or dealing with our loved one with dementia.
I find irritation so hard to deal with when my husband’s complaint for the 100th time about something I have no knowledge of and can not answer him.
I feel so bad and it is not his fault.
Like you I pray to be filled with patience and kindness and for him to be filled with joy and contentment.
Not an easy road to walk.