I was not at my best yesterday. Four hours of sleep and the stress of getting Mom’s apartment ready to pack evidently were not a good combination. And unfortunately, I let my guard down.
Mom and I had our first big confrontation yesterday. We were both upset and mad and didn’t speak the rest of the evening. I take the blame for the argument. I am not the one who is sick and tired. I am not the one with a dementia diagnosis.
She went to bed first — without eating any supper. I followed shortly after. Lying in bed, I knew I would never sleep. What am I doing? Over the monitor, I could hear Mom’s restlessness as well.
I slipped into the kitchen, took a plate from the cupboard. And with a few hardy snacks, I tiptoed into her bedroom. I knelt by her bed, ‘Mom, I’m sorry I got mad. I love you. I brought you a few snacks’.
She was drowsy, but as she patted my hand, she said, ‘I love you too. It’s okay. But I’m healing…I’m healing’. I don’t think I ever remember my mother patting my hand. Emotions run deep. Why do mother/daughter relationships have to be so complicated?
I kissed her cheek and gave her a hug then headed back to my own bed. Big deep breath.
Lord, forgive me. I blew it. I cannot control anyone else. I can only change my behavior — and only with Your help. May I be kinder and gentler. And may I have patience.
I pray for contentment and peace for Mom. This is so hard on her. Help us know what to do. We just don’t know what to do…