I received an email from my oldest sister last week, updating me on Mom’s recent doctor appointments. She reported that Mom is doing well, yet the doctor did increase her thyroid medication again as her weight gain and blood work are still a concern.
My sister wrote that Mom also had a new sewing project (Mom didn’t mention that when we talked on the phone). She made about 40 pillows for the Assisted Living Christmas Bazaar. Sold every one of them. Way to go, Mom!
My sister’s email says, ‘Mom and I went for pedicures on Tuesday…’ Hmm… I couldn’t convince Mom to go for a pedicure a few weeks ago when I visited her.
I feel that little green monster creeping out — I’m jealous.
When I look back at my very first post in this blog, I wrote about wanting a new, deeper relationship with my Mom. Even though the circumstances were terrible due to my mom’s illness, I still had the desire of my mom and me connecting in a new way. But when Mom was with me, she was really, really sick. I don’t think she even remembers much about being here. She told someone she lived with me for 3 weeks. It was slightly over 4 months! Now, she is doing better, and my oldest sister and my mom are bonding.
Ha! My sister gets a healthier Mom; a Mom who lives a block away in a beautiful assisted living facility (not with her). She can pop in for coffee anytime and pop back out into her own life.
Yep, I said the monster was green, the color of envy.
I talk with Mom every few days on the phone, but to be honest, the visits to her new city have been less frequent this past month. I could be more involved in her life, but the 3 hours on the road to and from her apartment have been a deterrent lately. I just wasn’t prepared for the holiday season, and I have played “catch up” for most of December. Sigh. Children, Grandchildren, Mothers, Nieces…. there just isn’t enough of me to do all that I would like to do; be all that I would like to be. I’m sure I’m not alone with those feelings. I want more time…. more days…. more me.
I just got off the phone with Mom. She sounds good. She sounds like Mom. I could just sit here and cry over the miracle of that. She is thriving and content. My green hue is fading a bit. I refuse to spoil any of this time with jealousy. I still have my Mom. I will treasure whatever relationship I have with her. Life is short and we only get to do this once — this Mother-Daughter relationship — I want to do it right.
There are many answered prayers and blessings this Christmas season…
My Mom is still with us.
She is thriving.
She is perhaps even becoming happy with her new life.
She is reading, sewing, playing Bingo, and making new friends.
And she is no longer angry with her 4 children for moving her into an Assisted Living Facility!
As I think about all the good and positive, there is no room in my heart for ugly green monsters…
and all the envy fades away.
Thank you, Lord.
One thought on “Fading Green Envy”
Try not to take it personally, though I know it’s hard – often with dementia, it seems the “golden child” is the one who has actually done the least for that person! At least your sister is actually helping out!